My First Year in England

July marks my first year living in England. But, it wasn't just my first year in England, it was my first year being married, it was my first year after saying goodbye to my Mom, it was my first year saying adieu to the life that I knew (and was very comfortable with in Texas). To sum it up, my first year in England was hard. Before moving here, I was convinced that England would be good for me. It would allow me to meet new people, travel, and see parts of the world that I could only imagine existed. As the months went on, I clung to those hopes. It will get better became my mantra.

The first thing that hit me was the cold. I arrived in England in July and was shocked to see people walking around in coats and light jackets. As the months went on, the cold and rain was relentless. I had to invest in warmer clothes and rain boots. I got used to seeing gray clouds and misty skies. I missed the feel of the sun on my skin. Winter came and introduced 17 hours of darkness and freezing weather. I never liked the cold in Texas. In England, I huddled by the radiator with a blanket and a cup of tea.

It will get better.

Being an American became my identity. I would remark on a beautiful cardigan that someone was wearing and the response would always be the same: "Ah, you're an American! Where are you from?" When I proudly told them "Texas" they would tilt their head, confused. "You don't sound Texan". Not knowing how to respond, I would awkwardly laugh "Well..."

It will get better.

Derek was the one who kept me positive. He would remind me to look for the good memories. He would take me on adventures, not only throughout the UK but also to Europe. "Pack your bags" became synonymous with "Let's remember why we are here". He was doing his best to make me smile. It worked, until it was time to head back home and the plane broke through the rain clouds.

It will get better.

It wasn't until a couple of months ago, that my heart finally found peace. The sun came out, and the flowers bloomed. During a morning run, surrounded by pink blossoms and towering trees, a thought came to me: Rain reminds us that all things grow. It is hard to see the sun when you are focusing on the shadows. It was then, I felt like a heavy weight lifted and, for the first time in England, I was running into the sunshine.

It will get better.

When people asked us how we liked England, my initial knee-jerk reaction was to lie or deflect: I love it, it is beautiful here, windows of pastries are my life. The truth is that it wasn't great, and it wasn't always easy. England, to me, was a grieving process. But to appreciate the rain, you have to walk in the sunshine. We found a church. We found friends. We built a life out of broken smiles and rainbows and learned that having each other by our side made us stronger.

It will get better.

Sometimes life throws you a diamond wrapped in a dirty rag. You may be tempted to throw it away without looking deeper. But that would be a shame because there is so much adventure waiting for you. People you haven't yet met cheering you on. Memories waiting to be made. You could never appreciate the garden, if it never rained. Despite what you feel, it will get better. ♡